Close-Reading the Cliff Richard Calendar: January & February.

Every month of the 2012 Cliff Richard calendar provides its own unique delight. Taken together, they’re simply too much pleasure for the average human heart to bear without exploding down your chest. So, I’ll take them one at a time, or two at a time if I’ve been lazy.

January.

Here the main pleasure lies in the contrast between Cliff’s beatific grin and the awful, tragic expression of the dolphin. Note particularly the genius with which the photographer has captured the split-second in which the dolphin’s perky, Flipper-ish grin slips, revealing the entire catalogue of squalid abuse and despair contained within that one visible eye. ‘I don’t know who this man is,’ the eye seems to be saying, ‘but he drugged me and did terrible things and now I just want to go home.’ But Cliff won’t let the dolphin go home. No, not ever. Also worthy of note is the caption, which succeeds in adding yet another layer of creepy to the symphony of menace. ‘What a WONDERFUL LIFE meeting new friends at Discovery Cove.’ Yes, Cliff, WONDERFUL.

February.

That is patently not a real spaceman's suit, nor a real spaceman’s helmet. What does Cliff think we are, FOOLS?